Monthly Archives: April 2012

Aside

 Regrets

 

 

She looked at me, vacantly, as I looked through her. Tall, check. Curvy yet thin, check. Pretty face, check. Stylish, check. She met the basic checklist for the girls I’d take out, but till when will I continue living this loveless single life? Don’t get me wrong, dinner with a different hot girl every weekend is cool, but its so.. Unfulfilling. I always tell people “I’m not going to get married or commit cause I get bored of girls easily”, well I think its about time I find the one that makes me want to spend every waking moment with.

 

Same thoughts, same desires, same everything. Find. The. One. I walked down the vast streets of New York City heading to one of my favorite restaurants to grab a quick lunch before I got home, and just like that.. I felt every organ in my body stop. This cant be right. Right before my very eyes stood a beautiful, tall, thin girl, with long black wavy hair and the most innocent eyes. Uttermost perfection. She turned her head, looked at me, smiling “Is that you?”

 

Rachel..

 

“RACHEL! Hey.. What are you doing here?” I said, trying to act as put together as possible. “Want to grab coffee? There’s a great café just around the corner.” She smiled, and I led the way.

 

Why did I let her go? Why did I tell her she wasn’t good enough for me? Why?

 

“So Rachel.. What brings you to New York City?”

“Oh I’m just here to finish some shopping for an important event coming up soon.”

“Hahaha! You look great.. Wow. When was the last time I saw you? Six months ago?” Six months ago.. Six months ago, I was stupid and told her there are better girls out there for me. Six months ago, I broke her heart. Six months ago, She left..

 

“Thank you!”  She said. She turned her face and looked out the window trying to avoid eye contact, turned back, “Yeah, it’s been a while.. So, what have you been up to lately? Found her?” as she flashed her evil grin. She loves doing this to me. Torturing me slowly. I swear, she does. No one knows me better than she does. No one understands me more than her. Felt like being stabbed from every side of my body, over and over again.

 

I laughed, “No.. I don’t even think the one exists. How about you?”

“You wont believe this… Nate, I’m..”

OFCOURSE, SHE’S GOING TO SAY SHE’S IN LOVE WITH ME.  

 

 “ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

Her smile was from ear to ear.. I haven’t seen on her for a very long time.  Is she unaware that I still love her? I couldn’t move my lips, but my heart was screaming “YOURE THE ONE! I NEED YOU! IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU! DON’T LEAVE AGAIN. PLEASE. PLEASE..”, and it finally hit me, I lost the one.  All those girls I’ve dated in the past few months, they weren’t to find the one. God, I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. I’ve been trying to make up for her leaving. But, her trust in me, loyalty, kindness, its all irreplaceable. All those girls, they’re just fun and games. She’s the one I want to settle down with.

 

“CONGRATULATIONS! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU”, I lied. One thing is in my head right now. Get her back like those meant-to-be couples in those cliché romantic movies or let her leave and go to sleep every night knowing I could have had my best friend and true love back.  “So who’s the poor guy?”

 

We started talking and she told me how she met him only a month after I broke her heart. “My heart beats a million miles a minute when I’m with him”, She says. UGH, I want to punch him a million times a minute. I keep trying to think positive, what if she’s just saying this to see how I react like she used to a long time back? But, I know that sadly its true.

 

 

Hours later, I got back home. Miserable, lonely, and alone, yet happy that she was there with me. Lying down in bed, I looked at the vacant spot where she should be and decided to man up and take the first step to getting her back.

 

I’ll send her a text, short, sweet and straight to the point so I sent, “Just a dream by Nelly. Listen to it.” The words seemed to fit my situation too perfectly.  The singer wants his girl back but knows her finding another man is payback for not giving her all his love. He keeps waiting for her return, regretting that he didn’t get her a ring. HAH, me too.

 

The few minutes I spent waiting for a reply felt like hours. The vibration of the phone sent shivers all throughout my body.. What’s going to happen..

 

“Just a little too late. When I left, I wanted you to chase me but you didn’t. You’re just feeling this now because you don’t want to lose me.” What am I in the movie “my best friends wedding”? It was pouring rain outside; I didn’t even grab my umbrella as I ran outside the apartment doors heading for the exit. Took a cab straight to her hotel, and after a long argument with the idiot in the lobby, I found my way to her suite.

 

Knocking on the door, I did not know what to expect. What if she’s not here? What if she won’t take me back this time?

 

“Nate..”

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hurt you; I shouldn’t have said all that I did. Please remember our promise. We were only kids, but we promised each other we’d be together in the end. WE PROMISED.”

 

“Even after the promise, you broke my heart over and over again with every girl you dated when we agreed to be just friends until we grow older. How do I know this time would be different? And then you tell me you could do better than me? And that you’re in search of “the one”.”, She said with tears streaming down her face. “You just don’t want to lose me. And you wont, I’m here as a friend just like how you wanted me when I wanted you.”

 

“NO RACHEL. NO.” I felt my voice tremble “For six months I have been nothing but a lonely mess. I left you thinking I was going to find the one, little did I know I left her and broke her heart into a million pieces. I can’t change what I did, and if I could go back in time, I swear I would. I was a jerk, I thought about the superficial and the unimportant. I’m sorry. Nothing can replace that void of you, not friends nor money.”

I suddenly hear murmurs coming from neither one of us..

“OMG..”, her eyes open wide.

“What?”

She looks down and shows me her phone and a phone call with her fiancé is on. I know its bad to be happy if two people are most likely going to break up as a result of this; but why not be happy? This is like a chance for us to be together.

 

Of course, this was all wishful thinking. I highly doubt that she’s going to take a fool like me back because that would make her the biggest fool. She looked at me, with hope in her eyes of a bright future, “Nate, I can’t believe this is finally happening… I’m actually in love with someone who I can see as a loyal husband and a father. It’s fate, and we read ours wrong.”

 

 

 

 

 Regrets  Sh…