Introduction: This I Believe… My own world.

Standard

“Oh look at him, his parents got him a G class Mercedes for his 18th birthday,” they say behind my back. Is this the first time I heart that? Not really. I heard it so many times before. Does it affect me? Not really. I don’t let them get under my skin that way because they don’t know anything about my parents or me. People like to judge based on what they see, without knowing the reasons behind it. Little do they know that my mom wouldn’t let me leave school on the weekends if she sees a C on my report card or misbehavior in school. I’ve never drank nor done drugs, things my parents asked me to stay away from due to my religion and upbringing. It’s not easy to be in the states and get away from these things easily, so it took a lot of will power and effort. Planes and yachts don’t just fall down from the sky for us. My great ancestors had no money at all before, back in the 1920’s. They were so poor that that they used to hand down clothes: they couldn’t afford anything other than food. Who would of knew that the rulers of Kuwait had this in the past? Well, that’s how it was. Until today, we work hard. My mother founded the American University of Kuwait, a liberal college in Kuwait, which was needed in Kuwait. Of course, people talked and said that she just did that for the attention, which is ridiculous, if only they knew her personally, and why would she pay for a university that is non profit to her from her own pocket money? I believe that one should enjoy his accomplishments as long as they don’t hurt anyone around them and ignore the people who don’t understand. 

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7 responses »

  1. I believe this introduction was really good. It was very descriptive and I can see where the essay is trying to get to. The only thing I can say that I think needs to be improved is the beginning sentences, instead of it being a quote.

  2. Hi Saad- there are some strong elements to this writing piece already: the topic is very interesting, you’ve chosen a good title, and the opening is solid. You need to work on the structure of your piece. Consider breaking it up before you talk about your ancestors. Consider making your story more of a timeline through the structuring (your grandparents, your parents, and then you), and developing each section. Consider changing the placement of your belief. Strong start, Saad!

  3. I thought your introduction was strong and you speak for a lot of people out there who are misunderstood just because they have money. I think you should maybe add an experience where someone judged you. I also like how you talk about the history and how everything was earned.

  4. I really like the beginning of your essay. It shows your belief early and shows how passionate you are about it. I like how you gives facts of the hard work your family went through to achieve success. I also like the hook as it is a good quote that makes me want to read on. I think you can work on organizing the events more in this first paragraph, but overall I enjoyed reading it.

  5. You have a very strong hook, and thesis. You come out as very aggressive, and in a “i don’t care” mood. Don’t let the reader assume you don’t care about what they think. I liked how you spoke about you’re ancestors. Maybe add a little more description. All in all, I really enjoyed reading it. Ashante

  6. The hook was kind of catchy and I like it! And they truly gave a great example of the things that you believe in. I also love this story very much, and it seems like you explain what you wanted to say to many people on the world in this story!!

  7. You are really a critical thinker that your mind is not affected by people surrounding you. And the I love the hook at the very beginning of your essay. Plus, your words are in-depth and mature. Besides, I love you tone of telling story.

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